10 caregiving concepts to keep in mind as you coordinate care for family members

First appeared in The Alabama Baptist newspaper, December 12, 2023 issue.  Used with Permission.

It is hard to explain the challenges of family caregiving, the necessary and unending attention to details, and the frustrations when needed services cannot be found. Add to the burden the fact that [the person in desperate need of care] refuses to cooperate or family members are oblivious and uncaring about the sacrifices you make.

Can be consuming

If you are not careful, family caregiving can consume you. Almost unconsciously, you give up bits and pieces of your life until your life becomes only about family caregiving.

What can you do?

1. Before taking action, take a moment — and develop a plan to follow.
2. Be patient. If a life is not in immediate danger, a few hours or days will not matter.
3. Try to understand the underlying causes. Take time to think about the resistance you are encountering.
4. Ask direct questions in response to objections. Ask if the concern is about cost. If it is, discuss ways to alleviate the concern. It also could be about not being physically able to do something he or she has always done and the difficulty of giving it up.
5. Listen carefully. Do not interrupt. Do not judge. Do not dismiss. Do not always assume you are right.

Supportive language

6. Use supportive language. “I can imagine how tough this must be for you. I am just trying to make it easier for us to work this out. We will both be a lot happier if we think this through together.”
7. Show your belief in your loved one’s good judgment. Also, be reminded that key people need to be involved in decision-making because the care affects others.
8. Look for compromises and mutual ground. No one has to win; everyone just needs to have input, so no one loses.
9. If the discussion becomes strained, take a break.
10. Set a firm time to meet. “We will talk again tomorrow night. Is 7 or 8 o’clock better for you?”

EDITOR’S NOTE — The information shared in this article is an excerpt from “The Family Caregiver’s Manual: A Practical Planning Guide to Managing the Care of Your Loved One” by gerontologist David Levy and was used with permission. The book was published by Central Recovery Press in Las Vegas in 2016 and can be purchased from most book distributors.

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