October, a month often dedicated to celebrating pastors, also offers a unique opportunity to acknowledge the invaluable role of their wives. As a pastor’s wife for nearly two decades, I’ve experienced the incredible privilege of witnessing God’s work firsthand. Yet, this privileged position also comes with its share of challenges, including betrayal, loneliness, and even a sense of spiritual warfare.
The term “church hurt” encapsulates the painful experiences that individuals can encounter within a church setting. For pastor’s wives, who are often expected to serve, encourage, and lead, the wounds inflicted can be particularly deep. These experiences, often kept hidden, contribute to the loneliness and discouragement many face during difficult seasons of ministry.
The Invisible Ache
Church hurt for pastor’s wives can manifest in countless ways, often leaving us feeling isolated, undervalued, and betrayed. I’ve personally experienced being ignored, uninvited, talked about behind my back, and constantly feeling like I had to be the bigger person. The sorrow I’ve carried is deep, but it’s also led to a more intimate and profound relationship with Jesus.
Mirroring What We Experience of Jesus
One of the most painful experiences I’ve faced as a pastor’s wife was when a longtime member and friend unexpectedly left our church. Through a series of misunderstandings and unspoken words, it felt like we’d been dropped. The pain was intense, and I questioned everything. I cried out to God, pleading for His intervention, but the situation didn’t unfold as I had hoped. In moments of pain and confusion, the Bible has been my anchor, and even in the midst of pain, God is working redemptively and has a purpose in the journey.
Church Hurt Forces Me to Practice What I Preach
The “one another” passages in Scripture apply to us as well. We can’t bear with one another if we isolate them. We can’t love those who slander us if we respond with harsh words or passive-aggressive behavior. In our hurt, we have the chance to live out the gospel we preach. Just as I need grace, I must extend it to others. Instead of being quick to speak, I must listen, understand, and seek to be right with God rather than with people. I fear that our experiences can lead us to believe God is only for “us” and needs to deal with “them,” but in reality, He’s coming after all of us.